Why Don't More Heavy Drinkers Moderate?

Who’s this for;

Heavy drinkers who want to cut down on their drinking but so far haven’t found a way.

Moderation would be easier if we did the right things.

If you want to moderate, do what moderate drinkers do.  They drink in a way that’s different to heavy drinkers.  Learn some of the skills that moderate drinkers have and your drinking will become more moderate. 

Unfortunately, this is not what a lot of heavy drinkers do.

Why don’t more heavy drinkers moderate?

You wake up with a steaming hangover and end up doing nothing the whole day.  You feel like shit, not only because you’re hung-over but also because you’ve wasted another Sunday.  You really want to cut down.  So you stop drinking for a week. 

End result.  You feel much better but when you start drinking again you’re drinking like you always have.  And then you forget about moderation until the next time you drink way too much.

Drinkers who want to moderate confuse ‘abstinence’ with ‘moderation’.  Abstinence and moderation are two different things.  They are two different skills.  Abstinence is not drinking.  Moderation is drinking small amounts which are not harmful to the body.

Abstinence

If your goal is to moderate your drinking then abstinence at best can provide you with some breathing space.  It’ll detoxify your body and you’ll feel healthier.  But abstinence by itself is unlikely tomoderate how you drink. 

So how can you moderate?

You moderate by learning the skills that moderate drinkers have.  These are the skills that will help you cut down.  They work because they give you a new way of drinking.

What are these skills?

·         Learn to stop after one drink.  (I recommend one at first because it’s simple and the effects of the alcohol are light). 

·         Drink water or a soft drink with alcohol.

·         Learn to say to no to alcohol.

·         Understand why you want to drink – then question this.  Most of the reasons we used for drinking are based on myths or misunderstandings about alcohol.

·         Increase the gap between your first drink and your second drink.  Perhaps use a timer or alternate on the drinks i.e. soft drink than alcoholic drink etc.

·         Increase the gaps between every drink you have.

·         Think long and hard about the pain and trouble alcohol has brought you.  You already know that too much alcohol is bad for you.  Use this knowledge.

·         If you go out, start off with a soft drink.

·         Opt out of the round system.

There are probably more as well but if you learn two or three of the above, I’ll guarantee that the way you drink will change and you’ll be drinking less on more occasions.

So if you want to  moderate your drinking, think like a moderate drinker, do like a moderate drinker and the end result, you'll drink more like a moderate drinker.

Why Heavy Drinkers Drink - a look at motivation

Motivation can go two ways. There’s motivation not to drink and there’s motivation to drink. In heavy drinkers, the motivation to drink is usually strongest when they start to drink and then once the drink takes over - there’s no stopping – only sleep, lack of money and closing time can stop them.

This doesn’t mean that heavy drinkers don't have any motivation to drink less. In fact, heavy drinkers have some of the strongest feelings against drinking. Ask them when they have a hangover, when they’re sick from drink, when they feel crappy the next day, when they ruined a close relationship and you’ll find many of them against drinking. The only problem is that this motivation evaporates when drinking time comes round.

The Motivation to Drink Less for a Heavy Drinker

The Motivation to Drink Less.

In the graph, the short red lines represent times that you start drinking.  For heavy drinkers, it’s these points that their motivation to control or not to drink is at its lowest.

In a heavy drinker, the motivation to drink less varies quite a bit. Probably more so than someone who doesn’t drink because they regularly suffer the ill effects from drinking too much. Personally, I don’t know how many times I’ve said “Never again, I’m never going to drink again” when I’ve been suffering from a severe hangover.

From looking at the graph I could conclude that;

• Heavy drinkers already know that drinking is bad for them.
• Motivation to drink less is inconsistent.
• Heavy drinkers must also think there are big benefits to drinking.

So why does the motivation to drink less go?

From Severe Hangover to Drinking again - Motivation to drink less is inconsistent in Heavy Drinkers

From high motivation to low motivation to control your drinking – what happens?

Numbers correspond to the graph

1 – severe hangover – feeling towards drinking – hate
2 – hangover subsides – it’s bearable.
3 – friend calls – he wants to go out drinking tomorrow night. You’re not enthusiastic but you agree. You think you’ll drink less.
4 – you see an advert on drinking – it reminds you why you drink
5 – you’re excited about meeting your friends, going out, the possibilities of what might happen. You don’t think about drinking directly but it’s an integral part of it.
6 – you start drinking. Your feelings towards drinking is positive.

Heavy drinkers drink for a reason. They have strong positive associations with drinking, otherwise they wouldn’t drink so much the next time.

What are those reasons?

Manliness, sex, fun, good times, more socialable, chance to meet the opposite sex, stress, relaxation, nerves, sophisticated, cultured, status, exciting, makes my life more interesting, social bonding, etc.

If you want to control or stop your drinking, it’s these positive associations you need to address.

For example;

Does drinking really make you more manly?
Are you more socialable when you drink?
Does drinking really make your life more interesting?
Are times really better if you drink?
Are you really more relaxed from drinking?

I’ll focus more on some of these individual points in the future.

A Sober Look at Drunkenness

Who is this article for?

Heavy drinkers who want to cut down on their drinking.

How

By becoming more aware of how drunkenness looks, especially from when you're sober. Also by getting photo or video evidence of the affects of alcohol on you.

Why

Because drunkenness looks much worse when you see it sober than when you're drinking



Drunkenness doesn’t seem so bad when you’re drunk. It’s just part of life and perhaps everything is funnier and more acceptable when you’re drunk. I was repeatedly drunk for 25 years of my life but it wasn’t until I was sober that I realise how bad drunkenness can make you look.

I remember on one of my first nights out as a moderate drinker, seeing people’s eyes red up, hearing their speech slow down and finding their fumbling speech more annoying as they became more repetitive. I was surprised at how ‘destructive’ drinking could be. Since then I’ve seen it on numerous occasions and when people get very drunk, it really doesn’t look good. But when I was drinking heavily, I simply didn’t see these things in the same way.

Here are some videos from YouTube on drunk people. I hope you’re sober!







These videos are not for laughing at, though I admit I did laugh out loud a few times. These videos are a lesson. If you wake-up and can’t remember what happened the night before, have hangovers often and regularly get drunk. You’ve probably done something similar many times over. When you’re drunk though, it just seems like a laugh! It’s only when you’re sober that you realise how badly people might be perceiving you.

Possible Method to increase your motivation to drink less.

Research has found that ‘Before’ (and after) photos work better for people on diets or trying to gain muscle than just written diaries or goals. Researchers believe that a photograph is more graphic and makes the problem look worse than if it was just in writing.

I believe that photographs and videos could work just as well for people who get drunk often. The ideal times would be when the person is very drunk or hung-over as these are the times that alcohol has its biggest impact but the drinker is least aware of the affect. Video would be great as you’ll be able to see how alcohol affects your movement and speech.

Ideally, the photos and videos should be seen daily and especially when you start drinking.

This is just an idea. It’s not proven but I can remember waking up without knowing what happened the night before and being drunk on a regular bases, but I didn’t fully realise how bad my behaviour was or whether I just made excuses. Also my sober self didn’t have the direct evidence on the effects of alcohol on me, perhaps photos and videos can provide that evidence.

Will Power is Overrated!

Overview

Will-power/motivation is not the only key to changing a habit. It can help you decide to take action but it’s the actions you take that are the keys to change. Stop blaming yourself and stop making motivation an excuse.

Commonly said things about failure to change

I lack motivation! Where's my motivation - I don't have any! I'm pathetic! I said that I’d change but I don’t have the guts! I'm too weak! I don’t have it within me to change! I'm spineless!

As a society we seem to have an obsession with will-power, especially our lack of it and we end up staying with bad habits because many of us think we are too weak to change. Where does this obsession come from? Our parents, the boss, the wife, education? Who knows?

But all I know is that will-power is naturally a wibbly-wobbly thing.

Take will-power to moderate your drinking

• Stinking hangover – your will-power is probably 10/10 (a lot of people promise they will quit at this point)
• The worst of the hangover goes away – will-power goes down perhaps 7/10
• Someone calls you a day later. They want to meet-up for some drinks. It’s always fun with this person. Will-power goes down again 5/10
• You read about the damage heavy drinking does your body – will-power goes up 6/10
• You see a funny ad for drinks. It makes you smile – will-power goes down 5/10
• You’re excited about seeing your friend. Will-power goes down 2/10

When you need your will-power the most

It’s usually not there. Many people look forward to drinking, mainly because it’s associated with many enjoyable things – socialising, friends, laugher, going out, relaxing, after work activity etc.

It’s hard to even to think about ‘moderation’ when there’s so much to look forward to. Apparently, your conscious mind can only hold one thought at a time and there’s little chance that will happen if your mind is abuzz.

So stop blaming yourself and stop making ‘will-power’ the be all of habit-change. It’s not.

Next Post

I’ll introduce a Habit-Change model by BJ Fogg that has made it easy for me to moderate my drinking. In his model, motivation is only one of three tools that we can use to change a habit.