Upcoming Will-power series

We are already in October and Christmas is fast approaching. 

Christmas is a time for cheer or so they sell it. More like drunken nights and rotten hangovers, if my memory serves me right.

Many of us increase our drinking over the Christmas period, because there are many more opportunities to do so.  There are work parties, friends and family get togethers, and in general we have a little more time (less to do at work and some holidays). 

We also increase our drinking because it’s expected of us, this is especially so for people with a reputation for drinking.  If you don’t live up to your reputation for drinking, people tend to think something is wrong.  (John, what’s wrong, why don’t you have a drink?  ORANGE JUICE!  You don't have to drive tonight, do you?  Come on John, get lively, here's a drink for you.  Etc).

So to help you get prepared for the Christmas period and to avoid an increase in your drinking and possibly a decrease, there will be a short series on will-power.

Will-power series

1^st – review of a Google Talk by Kelly McGonigal.  In this talk she highlights five things that we can do to improve our will-power/self control.  I’ll provide a short review of the highlights from her talk and how drinkers might use these.

2^nd – Environment >Will-power.  The focus will be on how we can change our environment so that it supports a more moderate approach to drinking.  This is very applicable to the home.  We also look at ways of automating decisions instead of using will-power, which can be used for social occasions where you have little control over the environment.

3^rd – Summary

I’ve learned some things about will-power which I wasn’t aware of before.  There’s a lot of talk of will-power as a limited resource.  In layman’s terms, every day we have X amount of will-power and making decisions, communications and ‘self-control’ uses up your will-power.  So that by the end of the day, many people have used up their ‘will-power’ resource and are unable to resist temptation.  It’s a bit more complicated than this and for a fuller review read here.

 

Change of view on Will-power?

I’ve used the BJ Fogg model of habit change, which emphasis behaviour change and use of triggers over will-power.  I’ve written about will-power before.

Will-power is overrated!
Why drinkers drink.  A look at motivation.

 

But I think Kelly McGonigal ideas will support anyone trying to moderate or abstain from drinking (or to change any habit) and are worth knowing and experimenting with.

More on will-power soon.

Other articles to help you become a moderate drinker

How to be a moderate drinker.

The Fantastic BJ Fogg – Habit Change Made Easy

The focus of this article is on how I changed my drinking habit but this model can be used with any habit.  Whether it’s one you want to decrease or one you want to increase i.e. exercise, meditation, healthy eating etc.

I used BJ Fogg’s habit change model to change the way I drink.  I used to be a heavy drinker but with the model I’m now a moderate drinker.  The change for the most part was easy.

Before

I was the kind of drinker that couldn’t stop once I had started.  Once I had one drink, I would continue for at least another four or five.  Sometimes I woke up and couldn’t remember what had happened the night before. More often I would lose my weekends through feeling rotten and unmotivated. I did this for 25 years.

Now

Sometimes I don’t have a drink for a week or so.  Not through avoidance, I just simply don’t have the urge.  When I do drink, most times I have just one or two glasses. When I’m out in a pub or a restaurant, quite often I start with a non-alcoholic beer.  If I’m there for a while, I’ll have water while I have an alcoholic drink.  I say ‘No’ most times when I don’t want to drink anymore.

How I used BJ Fogg’s model to become a moderate drinker. See table below

<><><><><><><><><>

Motivation	Abilities	Triggers
Avoid hangovers, feeling rough next day etc.	Stop after one drink	Note place on my wine bottles
Gain more quality time	Drink soft drinks with alcohol	Celebrate ‘stopping’ after one glass
Get healthier	Say no to alcohol, when I don’t want it.
	Make the ‘whys’ for not-drinking stronger
	Understand my motivation to drink.  Can they be changed?
	Always drink a soft drink with an alcoholic one, when I’m in a pub.

How BJ Fogg’s Habit Change Model helped me

The model helped me ask a better question. 

• Before - when I wanted to change, I would either stop for a short time or drink less frequently but it didn’t change the way I drank. 
• After – I asked ‘What do moderate drinkers do that I don’t’.  This gave me the ‘abilities’ of a moderate drinker.  I then focused on building these habits.

The model moved the focus on to ‘abilities’ (what action to take) from motivation.

• Sometimes you can go backwards with habit change.  I did, in January I was on holiday for two weeks and I drank like my old self.  If I was relying on my motivation I would’ve probably thrown in the towel.  But luckily, I revisited my ‘abilities’ list and worked on ‘Saying No to a drink’ and ‘always having a soft drink with an alcoholic one’.  I didn’t blame myself.  I focused on building change instead.

‘Abilities’ really helped me take action, because it made action specific.

• ‘Stop after one glass’ was an easy action to implement at home.  It was clear, there was no wiggle room and it allowed me to use a trigger that worked every time.  I knew when I had achieved this and this allowed me to ‘celebrate’ the new habit too.

Clear ‘abilities’ make it easier to use triggers.

Triggers allow you to be consistent.  Consistency changes habits.

• What’s a trigger?  Classic ones; When you sit on your sofa (this triggers), you then turn on the TV.  When you see a red light, you start to slow down and then stop.  And from the world of drinking, when your glass is empty, you fill it up.

• ‘Stop after one glass’ – I placed a notice on my wine bottle ‘only one glass’.  I saw it every time I started drinking and it got me to think, WHY?  Why, just one glass (no hangovers, feel great tomorrow and won’t be drunk tonight)?  This got me to do the new habit.  It got to think at the right time and it send my motivation sky-high, also at the right time. 

• This trigger made it so easy, that it felt like I was cheating.  Remember, I hadn't been able to do this for 25 years.

Overall

If you want to change a habit; stop, start or modify one, this model makes it easier.  It's action focused and it helps make those actions clearer.  It moves the focus away from motivation (a very inconsistent quality and one that can lead to self-blame) to action.  It also promotes the use of triggers, which gets you to do new actions consistency.  Use the model.  It works.

Other links;

Do you drink too much;  answer this question - how many times have you been drunk in your life?

How to be a Moderate Drinker!

Overview

This simple model gives you the tools to adjust your drinking downwards to levels where alcohol is harmless. You’ll also enjoy the day after drinking much, much more and develop new skills so that you can still enjoy a drink and have the confidence to determine how much you want and when to stop.

The Model

People blame their lack of will-power for failing to change things they don’t like about themselves. This pre-occupation with will-power tends to make people a bit short-sighted of what they can do to change their habit. Habit change is not only about will-power, it’s a bit more involved than that. It’s like trying to make a table by only using a measuring tape. There are more tools you can use. Once you use a saw and a hammer, the job becomes much simpler. The same is true for habit change, once you start using all the tools available to you, habit change becomes easier.

BJ Fogg - Model of Habit Change


• Motivation (will-power)
• Abilities
• Triggers

BJ Fogg has said in an interview that ‘abilities’ and ‘triggers’ are more important than motivation for actually creating a new habit.

Motivation

What will you get when become a moderate drinker?

Some of my motivation

• No hangovers
• More quality time
• Peace of mind – 25 years is a long time to have a risky habit
• Lessen the risk of a serious accident
• Healthier
• More focus
• Move on from drunken behaviour (Drinking less has given me the opportunity to see people get drunk and it’s not that pretty. It makes me cringe to think I’ve done that so many times over the past 25 years

Motivation and being a Moderate Drinker

It’s very inconsistent and when I’ve planned to moderate my drinking in the past, new habits didn’t form because I was too inconsistent. It was hardly ever there at the right time and place, which is why I’ve used triggers. When combined with triggers, motivation is much more powerful because it’s there at the right time and in the right place. It has also led to a consistent approach of determining how many drinks I’ll have before I start drinking.

Abilities (new skills)

• Say no.
• Understand how and when you are drinking.
• Stop yourself. (after one, two or three drinks)
• Congratulate yourself when you say no and stop yourself.
• Deal with peer pressure
• Order water with a round/drink.
• Drink water in a pub.
• Disassociate being sociable, having a laugh, feeling open with drink and associate these things with yourself/being your friends.
• Associate hangovers, being down, being lazy more strongly with heavy drinking.

What I love about ‘abilities’ to be a moderate drinker is that none of them are ‘rocket science’. We can all say ‘no’ and we can all stop ourselves at having too much of something. Perhaps, we just don’t do this with drinks.

In Britain, many people drink fast and heavy. They don’t say ‘no’ to having another drink and they rarely stop themselves. Their habits dictate their actions and this won’t change until they start practicing saying ‘no’ to drinks and ‘stopping’ themselves. Once they practice, it’ll become easy. All it takes to get a new skill is practice.

Abilities and being a Moderate Drinker

I decided that at home, I would only have one glass of wine a night. One glass, partly for simplicity, easier to record and also I thought it might be easier to stop when I only have one glass. I used a trigger that basically told me ‘only one glass per night’ and this caused me to think before I drink (I think about the benefits of only drinking one). I was surprised at how easy it was and still is.

It’s now, almost natural to think before I drink. I’ve kept to only one glass per night, except for last Saturday when we had a small dinner party. This think before I drink has extended to when I go out with friends too. I don’t necessary keep to one drink on those occasions but I’m certainly drinking less than before.

Side effects – I’m starting to drink wine slower now, I drink a lot of water with and after drinking wine and I’ve used this tactic in the pub as well.

Triggers

Triggers for your old/current habit

• Looking forward to a night out
• Rounds – keeps you drinking without gaps. Also encourages fast drinking, to be the same as everyone else. In the home, this habit continued, even without the ‘round’ trigger.
• Empty glass – this can trigger someone to fill it up for you.

There are many more.

The important thing about understanding triggers for your old habit is that you’re better equipped to disrupt them.

Triggers for introducing a new habit.

• Message stuck to my wine bottle – only one glass!
• Message by my wine bottle to remind me to celebrate only drinking one glass (celebrate no hangover in the morning and that I’ll feel good then too)

Possible other triggers, which I haven’t used.

• Message that reminds you why you want to cut down. In place where you can see it first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
• Small bottles of wine.
• Limited alcohol supply so that you can only drink one or two drinks.
• Associate buying a drink with also getting a pint of water.

Triggers and the Moderate Drinker

Most of my drinking is in the home and triggers really made becoming a moderate drinker easy. They reminded me ‘why’ I wanted to moderate my drinking and they did it at the right time and in the right place. They kept me consistent at stopping after one glass. This skill is transferable to the pub, where I’ve had a beer and next to my beer is a glass of water. I’ve turned down offers of drinks mainly because I didn’t feel like them. All this has come from being consistent in the home.

Will Power is Overrated!

Overview

Will-power/motivation is not the only key to changing a habit. It can help you decide to take action but it’s the actions you take that are the keys to change. Stop blaming yourself and stop making motivation an excuse.

Commonly said things about failure to change

I lack motivation! Where's my motivation - I don't have any! I'm pathetic! I said that I’d change but I don’t have the guts! I'm too weak! I don’t have it within me to change! I'm spineless!

As a society we seem to have an obsession with will-power, especially our lack of it and we end up staying with bad habits because many of us think we are too weak to change. Where does this obsession come from? Our parents, the boss, the wife, education? Who knows?

But all I know is that will-power is naturally a wibbly-wobbly thing.

Take will-power to moderate your drinking

• Stinking hangover – your will-power is probably 10/10 (a lot of people promise they will quit at this point)
• The worst of the hangover goes away – will-power goes down perhaps 7/10
• Someone calls you a day later. They want to meet-up for some drinks. It’s always fun with this person. Will-power goes down again 5/10
• You read about the damage heavy drinking does your body – will-power goes up 6/10
• You see a funny ad for drinks. It makes you smile – will-power goes down 5/10
• You’re excited about seeing your friend. Will-power goes down 2/10

When you need your will-power the most

It’s usually not there. Many people look forward to drinking, mainly because it’s associated with many enjoyable things – socialising, friends, laugher, going out, relaxing, after work activity etc.

It’s hard to even to think about ‘moderation’ when there’s so much to look forward to. Apparently, your conscious mind can only hold one thought at a time and there’s little chance that will happen if your mind is abuzz.

So stop blaming yourself and stop making ‘will-power’ the be all of habit-change. It’s not.

Next Post

I’ll introduce a Habit-Change model by BJ Fogg that has made it easy for me to moderate my drinking. In his model, motivation is only one of three tools that we can use to change a habit.

Trigger You Consistency – A Valuable Key for Habit Change

What will you get from reading this.


You’ll be able to change your habits that much easier by using triggers. Change bad habits into good ones and adopt new habits because ‘triggers’ keep you consist. Consistency is gold when it comes to habit change.

Hangovers are like motivation, they never happen at the right time.


How many times have you heard yourself or a good friend say ‘I’m never drinking again, never ever, not after last night!’ But as the hangover goes so does the motivation to stop or drink less. A day later it’s ‘I’m cutting down. I’ll just have a couple.’ And a couple of days later when you start drinking again, the hangover’s gone, the motivation’s to drink less has gone and you drink like you always do. Too much!

You know that you drink too much. You know that when you drink too much it can affect you the next day. You know that it does damage your body but yet, you still don’t moderate. Why?

My take on this, is because your brain is busy. Apparently, your conscious brain only holds one thought at a time and the likelihood of it thinking about ‘moderation’ at the right time is slim. There are too many other things to think about.

You could be thinking of your friends, the latest gossip, the bargirl, stress at work.

So if motivation doesn’t work well what does?

BJ Fogg has come up with a model of habit change which contains three elements. One of them is motivation and he’s says that motivation is the least important element. The other two are ability (to change) and triggers.

Take smoking for example


• Motivation – most smokers want to give up. They know that their habit is bad for them.
• Ability – most smokers give up when their ability to give up increases. This could be nicotine patches or a new mindset thanks to Alan Carr.
• Triggers – (to stop) strokes, serious illness, the warning on a cigarette package. (to smoke) fag break, coffee, reading the morning paper.

Triggers have worked where motivation hasn’t in the past. You need your ‘trigger’ to fire at the right place and the right time. What’s worked for me, has been placing 'two homemade triggers' by my wine bottles.

The first trigger

Trigger 1 - I know, it looks like it was drawn by a five year old

Reminds me that I’m only going to drink one.

It’s been surprisingly effective. Since putting it in place, I’ve only had one drink a night at home (half the time I don't drink).

It has also helped me build two useful ‘abilities’

1. Helps me to think before I drink. I think that I’m only going to have one. After that I’ll be on water again. I smell my drink more and make more of an effort to saviour it.

2. Stop at one. I only drink one per night because it’s easy to record and it’s also easier to stop after one than after two or three.

The second trigger

Trigger Two

Reminds me to congratulate myself for only drinking one drink. This is a new habit and if it’s going to replace the old habit I need to enjoy it and celebrate it.

I added this one later as I noticed that I wasn’t always congratulating myself for stopping at one.

Celebrating 'good behaviour' is important as it’s going up against habits that have lasted twenty five years or more.




Conclusion


Triggers have consistently kept my mind on ‘moderation’. They helped me get off to a great start and have reminded me at the right time and place so that I can practice moderation. I had the motivation (the right intention) before but it was never consistent enough to really change my drinking habit.

Now, after five weeks, not only do I always think before I drink in my home but when I'm out this new behaviour is also present. I have said no to drinks and free ones at that. I’ve really got to a stage where I’ve thought about my habit quite deeply and I’m changing my views and associations on drinking which should have a lasting effect.

When you want to change a habit, be it drinking more moderately, stop smoking or eat better, use triggers to get you think and take action at the right time and place. Use triggers to keep you consistent. Once you're consistent, your new habit starts to take root. It starts to be become automatic.

Alcohol Diary - October update

Alcohol Diary


The first ten days of October I was back in the UK visiting friends and family. This was a challenging time for me as most of my moderation practice has been in the house. I’ve definitely changed my approach to drinking. It’s more moderate and I’m taking a lead in ensuring that our table in the pub has water. So overall I’m pleased about this.

I drank 4 drinks once. This is less than what I would’ve drunk in a similar situation previously. I took action to mix the drinking of beer with water. Ideally, I would’ve drunk three. I’ll have to think about what changes I can do to make this happen.

I was impressed that the pubs I went to in Bristol gave us a jug of water. This is positive move on their behalve and it was good to hear other people ordering pints of water with their drinks (though this was a Sunday).

October


1st – 250 mil bottle of beer and small glass of wine.
2nd – 0
3rd – 2 pints of Guinness with my dad. Only in pub from 9:30 to 11 that’s the main reason why I only had two pints. Previous, I would have three pints on these occasions.
4th – 0
5th – 3 pints of bitter (alcohol % ??) – in Bristol, each drink was accompanied by water. The bar gave us a jug of water. People I was with also drank moderately, previous some of us would’ve drank more.
6th – 1 and ½ cans of Guinness – at my dad’s place
7th – 1 glass of red wine – at my dad’s place
8th – 3 small glasses of red wine. No drinking water or spacing drinks – at my sister’s place
9th – 4 pints of ale. This was from 3pm until 8pm. We went to the pub earlier because my friend in Bristol had to leave very early in the morning. Acceptable, though ideally 3 pints would have been better. Again we had a jug of water on the table and each drink was accompanied by a glass of water. Refused a couple of offers for another drink.
10th – one glass of wine on the plane to the Netherlands
11th – 0
12th – 0
13th – 1 glass of red wine in my house.

September Alcohol Diary

The moderate Drinker

What’s in it for you?

Heavy drinkers, there’s a lot in it for you! How about a better sex life; better relationships; a better self-image; being more productive; saving money; being a sexy rebel; better health; more go; being a leader, how to cut down and ultimately for a lot of heavy drinkers a new ‘take it or leave it’ attitude towards drink (you can be in control of your drinking rather than the other way round).

Why?

You already know the answer to this one. The government, the health authority, your family, perhaps even your partner are constantly reminding you of the dangers and drawbacks of drinking too much. They can be annoying but you know they are right. And just in case you’ve forgotten, here are some reminders.

Hangovers – these are nasty things and when you moderate your drinking you can avoid them altogether.

Time – I’m not talking about the fun times, the parts where you are socializing with friends or getting close to a love one, I’m talking about the time after you drink. Your weekend, your free time, the time you put aside to write your novel, to practice your punches, to learn new dance steps etc. Drinking too much can ruin how you use your free time. Do you want to be left with just work-time, drunk time and recovery time?

Focus – When I was in my twenties, my focus was on the night. I associated this with the good times, socializing, women, and lots of fun. It was an expensive focus as I didn’t put in much effort with my career, things that I love doing outside the bar and many other things, like my family. Become a moderate drinker and your focus will probably get stronger and be more on what’s important.

Health – Heavy drinking is bad for you. Bad for your liver. Bad for your brain. Bad for your mood. Bad if you are trying to start a family. And probably bad in many other ways too.

Other areas of life that could change for the better if you become a moderate drinker – relationships, productivity, self-image, etc.

It’s not about Will Power – it’s about habit change

Too many people think they can change themselves and the world though ‘will-power’. For most people, relying on will-power sets them up for failure. Habit change is more than just will-power.

Habit Changers that helped and influenced my transition to being a moderate drinker.

BJ Fogg


Three elements of habit change

• Motivation (will-power)
• Ability
• Triggers

BJ Fogg – underlying approach to habit change

• Make change as easy as possible
• Take small steps towards your goal
• Motivation is the least important element of change.
• Celebrate ‘victories’ (drinking water in a pub)

Leo Babauta from Zen Habits


Approach

• Understand your habit, what are the triggers for your habit, where and when does it happen.
• Make small and easy changes
• Develop half habits – rather than an all or nothing approach, constantly try to move towards your goal. Failure is feedback.
• Tackle one habit at a time.

New Skills

The great thing about becoming a moderate drinker; you have to start doing things differently. If you’re a heavy drinker, some new skills that you might learn are;

• To say no to a drink.
• Understand how and when you are drinking.
• Stop yourself.
• Congratulate yourself when you say no and stop yourself.
• Order water with a round/drink.
• Drink water in a pub.
• Disassociate being sociable, having a laugh, feeling open with drink and associate these things with yourself/being your friends.
• Associate hangovers, being down, being lazy more strongly with heavy drinking.

A lot of these skills are pretty basic, like drinking water in a pub, but they are new to many heavy drinkers.

The author

I was a heavy drinker for twenty five years. I started binge drinking when I was 16. Getting drunk seemed so much fun. It was such a release. My heaviest drinking years were my college years where I was almost always drunk in the evenings. I puked up a lot and generally felt unwell. I continued dinge drinking through my twenties where my focus was more on the night than the day, at the expense of a career. In my thirties binge drinking continued but was starting to be replaced by heavy drinking in the house. In my early forties, most of my drinking was in the home. Then I saw this video on the brain 'How to improve your brain.' (This is part 1 of 7 - I'm not sure which one alcohol is a focus) and decided it was time for a change.

It took me twenty five years to change. To be honest, I’m still changing. I started on 3rd September 2011 and my new habits are still babies compared to my twenty five year old heavy drinking habit. It’ll be an on-going process, at least until the end of this year but I’m confident that change will be permanent. Actually, I’m surprised at how easy it has been so far!