Upcoming Will-power series

We are already in October and Christmas is fast approaching. 

Christmas is a time for cheer or so they sell it. More like drunken nights and rotten hangovers, if my memory serves me right.

Many of us increase our drinking over the Christmas period, because there are many more opportunities to do so.  There are work parties, friends and family get togethers, and in general we have a little more time (less to do at work and some holidays). 

We also increase our drinking because it’s expected of us, this is especially so for people with a reputation for drinking.  If you don’t live up to your reputation for drinking, people tend to think something is wrong.  (John, what’s wrong, why don’t you have a drink?  ORANGE JUICE!  You don't have to drive tonight, do you?  Come on John, get lively, here's a drink for you.  Etc).

So to help you get prepared for the Christmas period and to avoid an increase in your drinking and possibly a decrease, there will be a short series on will-power.

Will-power series

1^st – review of a Google Talk by Kelly McGonigal.  In this talk she highlights five things that we can do to improve our will-power/self control.  I’ll provide a short review of the highlights from her talk and how drinkers might use these.

2^nd – Environment >Will-power.  The focus will be on how we can change our environment so that it supports a more moderate approach to drinking.  This is very applicable to the home.  We also look at ways of automating decisions instead of using will-power, which can be used for social occasions where you have little control over the environment.

3^rd – Summary

I’ve learned some things about will-power which I wasn’t aware of before.  There’s a lot of talk of will-power as a limited resource.  In layman’s terms, every day we have X amount of will-power and making decisions, communications and ‘self-control’ uses up your will-power.  So that by the end of the day, many people have used up their ‘will-power’ resource and are unable to resist temptation.  It’s a bit more complicated than this and for a fuller review read here.

 

Change of view on Will-power?

I’ve used the BJ Fogg model of habit change, which emphasis behaviour change and use of triggers over will-power.  I’ve written about will-power before.

Will-power is overrated!
Why drinkers drink.  A look at motivation.

 

But I think Kelly McGonigal ideas will support anyone trying to moderate or abstain from drinking (or to change any habit) and are worth knowing and experimenting with.

More on will-power soon.

Other articles to help you become a moderate drinker

How to be a moderate drinker.

A year ago today

Officially, the Moderate Drinker has been on the Moderate Drinking road for a year.

On the 3rd September 2011 I made the effort to cut down to two glasses of wine and then on the 4th Sept 2011 I came up with 'Just one glass per night'.  That was the start.  Moderating at home was surprisingly easy but at parties and pubs it took some more effort.

I got sadly drunk for two weeks in January when I went back to Taiwan for a visit.  I used to work out there. But since then I've been moderate again both at home and in the pub. 

Cutting down has had some great benefits;

• Feeling good on both Saturday and Sunday
• No hangovers (except in January)
• Generally feel happier when I'm not drinking
• Don't feel the complusion to drink more and more
• More motivated to make other changes in my life.
• When you're sober, you realise drunks aren't so funny

Things are far from perfect but really cutting down on drink has made my life better.

Related articles

Why don't more heavy drinkers moderate?

How to be a moderate drinker?

Being Drunk; How Many Times before you Start to Cut Down?

How many times have you been drunk in your life?

How many times do you need to be drunk before you consider a change?

One change that will help you moderate your drinking.

Reasons why to moderate.

Other articles that might interest you.

How to be a Moderate Drinker?

Why don't more Moderate Drinkers moderate?

The Fantastic BJ Fogg – Habit Change Made Easy

The focus of this article is on how I changed my drinking habit but this model can be used with any habit.  Whether it’s one you want to decrease or one you want to increase i.e. exercise, meditation, healthy eating etc.

I used BJ Fogg’s habit change model to change the way I drink.  I used to be a heavy drinker but with the model I’m now a moderate drinker.  The change for the most part was easy.

Before

I was the kind of drinker that couldn’t stop once I had started.  Once I had one drink, I would continue for at least another four or five.  Sometimes I woke up and couldn’t remember what had happened the night before. More often I would lose my weekends through feeling rotten and unmotivated. I did this for 25 years.

Now

Sometimes I don’t have a drink for a week or so.  Not through avoidance, I just simply don’t have the urge.  When I do drink, most times I have just one or two glasses. When I’m out in a pub or a restaurant, quite often I start with a non-alcoholic beer.  If I’m there for a while, I’ll have water while I have an alcoholic drink.  I say ‘No’ most times when I don’t want to drink anymore.

How I used BJ Fogg’s model to become a moderate drinker. See table below

<><><><><><><><><>

Motivation	Abilities	Triggers
Avoid hangovers, feeling rough next day etc.	Stop after one drink	Note place on my wine bottles
Gain more quality time	Drink soft drinks with alcohol	Celebrate ‘stopping’ after one glass
Get healthier	Say no to alcohol, when I don’t want it.
	Make the ‘whys’ for not-drinking stronger
	Understand my motivation to drink.  Can they be changed?
	Always drink a soft drink with an alcoholic one, when I’m in a pub.

How BJ Fogg’s Habit Change Model helped me

The model helped me ask a better question. 

• Before - when I wanted to change, I would either stop for a short time or drink less frequently but it didn’t change the way I drank. 
• After – I asked ‘What do moderate drinkers do that I don’t’.  This gave me the ‘abilities’ of a moderate drinker.  I then focused on building these habits.

The model moved the focus on to ‘abilities’ (what action to take) from motivation.

• Sometimes you can go backwards with habit change.  I did, in January I was on holiday for two weeks and I drank like my old self.  If I was relying on my motivation I would’ve probably thrown in the towel.  But luckily, I revisited my ‘abilities’ list and worked on ‘Saying No to a drink’ and ‘always having a soft drink with an alcoholic one’.  I didn’t blame myself.  I focused on building change instead.

‘Abilities’ really helped me take action, because it made action specific.

• ‘Stop after one glass’ was an easy action to implement at home.  It was clear, there was no wiggle room and it allowed me to use a trigger that worked every time.  I knew when I had achieved this and this allowed me to ‘celebrate’ the new habit too.

Clear ‘abilities’ make it easier to use triggers.

Triggers allow you to be consistent.  Consistency changes habits.

• What’s a trigger?  Classic ones; When you sit on your sofa (this triggers), you then turn on the TV.  When you see a red light, you start to slow down and then stop.  And from the world of drinking, when your glass is empty, you fill it up.

• ‘Stop after one glass’ – I placed a notice on my wine bottle ‘only one glass’.  I saw it every time I started drinking and it got me to think, WHY?  Why, just one glass (no hangovers, feel great tomorrow and won’t be drunk tonight)?  This got me to do the new habit.  It got to think at the right time and it send my motivation sky-high, also at the right time. 

• This trigger made it so easy, that it felt like I was cheating.  Remember, I hadn't been able to do this for 25 years.

Overall

If you want to change a habit; stop, start or modify one, this model makes it easier.  It's action focused and it helps make those actions clearer.  It moves the focus away from motivation (a very inconsistent quality and one that can lead to self-blame) to action.  It also promotes the use of triggers, which gets you to do new actions consistency.  Use the model.  It works.

Other links;

Do you drink too much;  answer this question - how many times have you been drunk in your life?

Learn at Home – The Art of 'Stopping' after one glass

Why doesn’t good advice work more often?  What’s the human trait that gets in the way of habit change?  And what’s a simple way of addressing this trait?

The home is the ideal testing ground for changing habits because you have control over the environment.   When you change the environment, behaviour changes can become much easier.

A few years ago

I’d wanted to moderate my drinking for a long time but I didn’t find a way of doing it. I came across a key bit of advice for people who want to moderate their drinking;

“Think before you drink.  Decide how you’re going to drink before you start and when you’ll stop.” 

Whilst this is good advice, it does overlook the ‘how’ and a condition many of us suffer from.   The classic image of someone trying to change a habit (someone on a diet, stopping smoking or cutting down on the drink) is someone struggling with ‘carvings’.  They fight against themselves, sometimes winning and sometimes losing.  I hardly ever got to this stage because I simply forgot to ‘think before I drink’.

Forgetting was my main problem with changing this habit.  But why did I forget? 

Well, I think, it’s partly because we have a rush of thoughts that are pro-drinking before we start drinking.  If we’re going to meet friends, we’re probably thinking many things like; how are my friends? What stories can I tell them about me? What news do I know that they don’t?  How can I make this night fun? etc.  (Many of these thoughts might be pro-drinking, if we have beliefs such as ‘I’m more social when I drink’, ‘drink makes things more fun’, ‘I talk more when I drink’ etc.)

We also lead busy lives.  Our lives are full of information, which complete for our attention and keep us preoccupied.  There could be issues at work, with the family, we might be busy with our social networks and the environment is getting filled with information too (ads especially).   With all this information going on, it’s not surprising that we can’t remember to ‘think before we drink’.

Accept that we all ‘forget’ because it can be addressed.  This is especially easy in the home.

Triggers

A trigger gets you to automatically do something.  In drinking, a classic trigger is when we finish a glass of beer/wine/whiskey.  What do we do?  We fill it up again.  And if we don’t fill it up, people will ask you ‘Do you want a drink?’ or ‘Is everything ok?’   People are incredibly uncomfortable with empty glasses.

To address ‘forgetfulness’, the easiest way I found was to put a reminder by my wine bottle.  This put the message ‘think before you drink’ in the right place.  I also saw it at the right time. 

 

When I saw this,  my thoughts went like this.  I’m going to drink just one drink.  Why?  Because I won’t get a hangover tomorrow, I’ll feel fine and energetic, and I won’t be a drunken idiot tonight.  Drinking one is healthy.   It’s easy to do.

And it was.  Once I thought about ‘what’ and ‘why’ before I started drinking, the change was easy.  The trigger also meant I did it every time.  Consistency is what changes habits and triggers make you consistent.

I stopped using the triggers after about two months because I automatically ‘think before I drink’ now.

Why Don't More Heavy Drinkers Moderate?

Who’s this for;

Heavy drinkers who want to cut down on their drinking but so far haven’t found a way.

Moderation would be easier if we did the right things.

If you want to moderate, do what moderate drinkers do.  They drink in a way that’s different to heavy drinkers.  Learn some of the skills that moderate drinkers have and your drinking will become more moderate. 

Unfortunately, this is not what a lot of heavy drinkers do.

Why don’t more heavy drinkers moderate?

You wake up with a steaming hangover and end up doing nothing the whole day.  You feel like shit, not only because you’re hung-over but also because you’ve wasted another Sunday.  You really want to cut down.  So you stop drinking for a week. 

End result.  You feel much better but when you start drinking again you’re drinking like you always have.  And then you forget about moderation until the next time you drink way too much.

Drinkers who want to moderate confuse ‘abstinence’ with ‘moderation’.  Abstinence and moderation are two different things.  They are two different skills.  Abstinence is not drinking.  Moderation is drinking small amounts which are not harmful to the body.

Abstinence

If your goal is to moderate your drinking then abstinence at best can provide you with some breathing space.  It’ll detoxify your body and you’ll feel healthier.  But abstinence by itself is unlikely tomoderate how you drink. 

So how can you moderate?

You moderate by learning the skills that moderate drinkers have.  These are the skills that will help you cut down.  They work because they give you a new way of drinking.

What are these skills?

·         Learn to stop after one drink.  (I recommend one at first because it’s simple and the effects of the alcohol are light). 

·         Drink water or a soft drink with alcohol.

·         Learn to say to no to alcohol.

·         Understand why you want to drink – then question this.  Most of the reasons we used for drinking are based on myths or misunderstandings about alcohol.

·         Increase the gap between your first drink and your second drink.  Perhaps use a timer or alternate on the drinks i.e. soft drink than alcoholic drink etc.

·         Increase the gaps between every drink you have.

·         Think long and hard about the pain and trouble alcohol has brought you.  You already know that too much alcohol is bad for you.  Use this knowledge.

·         If you go out, start off with a soft drink.

·         Opt out of the round system.

There are probably more as well but if you learn two or three of the above, I’ll guarantee that the way you drink will change and you’ll be drinking less on more occasions.

So if you want to  moderate your drinking, think like a moderate drinker, do like a moderate drinker and the end result, you'll drink more like a moderate drinker.

How to moderate your drinking – Your ideas

Who’s this for;

People who want to cut down on their drinking but haven’t been able to achieve this yet.

First thing first.

If you want to change something, it’s easier if you understand where you are now. Recording the drinks you drink is a good place to start – Review of Mydrinkaware

Also ask yourself the following questions;

How many times have I got drunk in my life?
Who do I drink with?
What do I drink?
Is the same throughout the night?
Do I change drinks?
Do I always drink the same amount?  If not, when do I drink more; when do I drink less;
When do I start drinking?
Do I drink more in the home or outside?
Where do I drink most?
What do I do when I finish a drink?
What do I feel before I drink?
Why do I drink?

This is visual representation of how I used to drink;

This is how I used to drink some nights. Beer after beer after beer. What can you do to moderate this kind of drinking?

How about this pictures;

Again beer after beer. In this pictures, there are times showing the time between emptying a beer and getting a new one.

Again the question is: What can you do to moderate this kind of drinking? There are many answers!

Also Read

Comprehensive guide to becoming a moderate drinker
Why become a moderate drinker?

Drink Awareness

What's this post about

Recording what you drink and how this is helpful. It will also introduce you to a very useful online tool.

Why?

Recording what you drink will give you insights not only about how much you drink but also when, with whom, where, how often, to what extend etc. It will help you understand the ‘structure’ of your drinking habit. This information is incredibly useful if you want to change your drinking habit.

Drink Awareness

You’re already aware that you drink too much. You’re probably already know where and who you drink with but when you start recording how much you drink, these facts become more salient, more real. You also become more aware that it’s a pattern. It has a rhythm. It has a structure. It’s a HABIT. This is important because once you can see the ‘structure’ of your habit, you can target weak points in that structure to change it for the better.





Video - How one or two changes can make a big difference to a structure.


Structural Weakness in Drinking Habit – some examples from my life.

• I drank mostly at home. I didn’t realise it at the time but this was a weak point in my drinking habit. It meant that I could try out changes without the added stress of peer pressure. There was my girlfriend but she was fine with me making those changes (maybe because she thought I would failure??).
• Stopping after one or two drinks was a skill I didn’t have. It was vital to becoming a moderate drinker.
• When I started drinking (not the first drink ever but the first drink in the evening), my default attitude towards drinking was positive. I associated it with being social, talkative, having fun, good personal stories, etc. I didn’t think/remember all the negative things about drinking like the hangovers, being out of control, puking up, bad personal stories, feeling drained the next day etc.

Recording the amount you drink.

I started with pen and paper. I recorded the actual drinks that I drank. I actually started when I began making changes to my drinking habit. This was still useful as it gave me vital information on where I was succeeding and where I was failing. I did very well at home but less well at parties and in the pub. Seeing the pattern of failure allowed me to consider the failures more objectively and make new adjustments, so that I coped better with those situations.

Mydrinkaware

I now use Mydrinkaware. This has many advantages over pen and paper.

• It converts drinks into alcohol units. This helps you understand the different strengths of drinks more.
• Allows you to see the information visually.
• Allows you to see the amount you drink in different ways i.e. money, calories, exercise needed to burn off the drink. This is useful if your motivation involves money, weight loss etc.
• Doesn’t take much time.
• Lets you set up ‘favourite drinks’. Which makes recording quicker.
• It also has a lot of other features. I haven’t tried these out but they might appeal to you.

If you’re not recording your drinking habit, I strongly recommend that you start. Do it for a limited period. Perhaps 2 weeks. It will certainly let you see your drinking in a different way.

Mydrinkaware is a very useful tool for recording your drinking. It’s fun and simple. It also converts your ‘drink record’ into many different graphs, in a way that pen and paper can’t do.

Become drink aware. Become a moderate drinker! Leave your hangovers behind!

Other posts that might be helpful for you

How to become a moderate drinker

Alcohol - Scary Yourself with Numbers

Triggers - Making changes that work

Three Gear Drinking Brits

This article is for;

People who drink too much and want to cut down.

Reading this will give you;

You’ll realise that British drinking patterns are just habits. British drinking habits might be unhelpful and limited but they can certainly be changed. Moderate drinking is a skill and like all skills it can be learnt by most people.

Brits and their three gears of drinking

0 (neutral if you like) – Don’t drink.
3 – Drink fast
4 – Drink until you’re very drunk.

If this was a car, you wouldn’t be very happy. It’ll get you into a lot of trouble and you’ll be making an ass of yourself most of the time you’re driving. Same with drinking, you either be fine, when you’re in neutral or when you do drink, you risk the chance of hangovers, missing much of your weekend, feeling bad, sounding slurred, insulting someone you didn’t want to or even getting into trouble with other people. Drinking with three gears isn’t great and yet many British people drink this way. I did for twenty five years and the majority of people I know who drink, drink this way too.

Why are we so bad? Culture, perhaps? Weak minded? Peer pressure? The causes could be debated forever, the end result is that many of us only drink using third and fourth. We don’t drink using gears one and two because essentially, we don’t practice them. When was the last time you stopped after one? When was the last time you started with water? When was the last time you ordered a jug of tap water with your round?

What are gears one and two?

Perhaps;

1 – Drink one or two drinks and stop
2 –Drink two, three or four drinks, with a soft drink starter or alternating between alcohol and soft drinks.

If you can master even one of these gears, your drinking will radically change. They are not difficult skills to master, you only need to practice them to get good at them.

I’ve practice ‘drinking one or two drinks and then stopping’ and for me, this has been my silver bullet. It has changed my attitude towards drinking. I now think before and during drinking about what could happen the next day. If possible, I drink with a soft drink too, to slow me down. The amount I drink now is much lower than before. I hardly ever drink more than four pints at a time. That used to be my minimum.

You don’t have to be a three gear drinking Brit. You don’t have to get drunk every time you drink (check out Scare Yourself with numbers). You don’t need to feel bad about yourself the next day. Take control of your drinking by practicing gears 1 and 2. Once you’ve got these gears, your drinking will change for the better.

Other articles on Moderate drinking

Overview of the Moderate Drinker
Will-power is overrated

You don’t become a moderate drinker by abstaining

Who’s this for?

Heavy drinkers who want to cut down their drinking but who don’t want to stop. There are many advantages in moderating your drinking, namely better health, save more money and better relationships with the ones you love.

Abstinence

Abstaining can be great and though I’m not religious I believe that modern society is missing out because we don’t practice lent anymore.

I’ve abstained quite a few times, the longest ones being Feb 09, Dec 07 (India) and Feb 99 (India). Yes, I felt great afterwards and I thought they were worthwhile. They were welcome breaks for my body and my mind. They both felt better for not drinking. But when I started drinking again, I just went back to my old habits. You don’t become a moderate drinker by abstaining.

The skills are different.

Abstinence is mainly about avoidance of drink and saying no.

Moderation is finding new skills that help you handle drink better, like stopping after one or two drinks, drinking a soft drink with alcohol and being aware that drinking too much leads to unpleasant consequences the next day.

Practice the skills, to get better at them.

From my experience the only way to learn these skills is to do them and do them consistently. I found the use of triggers really helped me develop these skills. After you do them consistently for a while, they start to become natural.

Triggers I used

A trigger that told me just to drink one glass per night and got me to think about the consequences of drinking too much

A trigger that told me to be happy when I had stopped after one glass

Another possible trigger to use

Drink water with, before and after an alcohol drink. If in the house – use a notice on your bottle of wine (or whatever it is you drink) “One wine, one water”. I feel strongly that the message needs to be with the drink as this helps you get consistent at doing it.

Conclusion

Many people believe that if they stop for some time and then start again, they will miraculously be moderate drinkers. I learnt from experience that this is not the case. Moderate drinking and abstinence are different. You need different skills to drink moderately.

I’m not against abstinence, I think for some people it’s the right choice and even for moderate drinkers a period of abstinence could be good for them. If you abstain from drinking, you will feel better (at least different).

If your goal is to be a moderate drinker, then you need to learn skills that help you be a moderate drinker. Simple as that.

Alcohol Diary - 14th - 31st October

Welcome to the Moderate Drinker.

After a busy start to the month, things settled down into a much healthier pattern.

Overall, I’m happy with the way I’m approaching drink. It feels natural to just have one in the home now and I was happy that I took action to reduce my drinking when I went out to the pub earlier in the month.

I'm loving the side benefits of moderate drinking too, especially the additional quality time that I have and I don't miss hangovers!
Overview of October

• 12 days alcohol free
• 10 days - 1 drink
• 4 days – 1-2 drinks
• 3 days – 2-3 drinks
• 2 days – 4 drinks

For November I’d like to increase the alcohol free days and reduce the days with 2-4 drinks. Only problem is that I’m going away to a vineyard for one weekend.

I’m thinking that a month off the alcohol would be good too but I don’t envisage that happening until March next year.

14th - 2 and a half small glasses of wine. Went to a friend’s house for dinner. Drank slowly and left the last glass of wine unfinished.
15th – 1 glass of red wine
16th – 1 glass of red wine
17th – 0
18th – 0
19th - 1 glass of red wine
20th – 0
21st - 1 glass of red wine
22nd – 4 and half small glasses of white wine
23rd – 0
24th – 0
25th – 1
26th – 1 and half small glasses of white wine
27th – 0
28th – 0
29th - 1 glass of red wine
30th - 1 glass of red wine
31st – 0


September Results

Alcohol - Scare Yourself With Numbers

Since deciding to be a moderate drinker, I’ve become more aware of a few facts about my drinking.

A scary one was that I’ve been drinking heavily for about 25 years. That’s roughly 60 - 61% of my life.

Another scary one is to calculate roughly how many times I’ve been drunk (lets say four pints of beer or a bottle of wine) in my life.

• If it’s twice a week that will be 2,600 times.
• If it’s three times a week that will be 3,900 times.
• If it’s four times a week that will be 5,200 times.

My guess, and it’s only a guess, is that it’s around the 3,900 mark. There have been times when I’ve drank less, but there’s definitely been times when I’ve drank more. That’s scary.

• 3,900 times I’ve drunk so much that its damaging to my brain.
• 3,900 attacks on my liver.
• 3,900 times that my speech has been affected by alcohol (maybe).
• 3,900 times I’ve been affected the next morning.
• 3,900 times before I took decisive action to drink moderately.

Also, another scary number. If I’ve been drunk 3,900 times, then that’s like being drunk every day for nearly 11 years. Now that’s scary.

When faced with numbers like this, I really wonder why I’ve continued to drink heavily for so long. It’s looks ridiculous to me now but it’s helping me to be stronger as I’ve realise the damage I’ve already done. These numbers scare me but they’ve also made me stronger.

Calculate your own numbers. Use equation in Excel.

=25*(52*3) (number in this equation are mine)

1. The number of years you’ve been drinking
2. Weeks per year
3. How many times a week you get drunk

Remember, scaring yourself is pointless, unless you scare yourself into action.

Posts for taking action

How to be a Moderate Drinker

Use 'Triggers' to change your drinking habits

How to be a Moderate Drinker!

Overview

This simple model gives you the tools to adjust your drinking downwards to levels where alcohol is harmless. You’ll also enjoy the day after drinking much, much more and develop new skills so that you can still enjoy a drink and have the confidence to determine how much you want and when to stop.

The Model

People blame their lack of will-power for failing to change things they don’t like about themselves. This pre-occupation with will-power tends to make people a bit short-sighted of what they can do to change their habit. Habit change is not only about will-power, it’s a bit more involved than that. It’s like trying to make a table by only using a measuring tape. There are more tools you can use. Once you use a saw and a hammer, the job becomes much simpler. The same is true for habit change, once you start using all the tools available to you, habit change becomes easier.

BJ Fogg - Model of Habit Change


• Motivation (will-power)
• Abilities
• Triggers

BJ Fogg has said in an interview that ‘abilities’ and ‘triggers’ are more important than motivation for actually creating a new habit.

Motivation

What will you get when become a moderate drinker?

Some of my motivation

• No hangovers
• More quality time
• Peace of mind – 25 years is a long time to have a risky habit
• Lessen the risk of a serious accident
• Healthier
• More focus
• Move on from drunken behaviour (Drinking less has given me the opportunity to see people get drunk and it’s not that pretty. It makes me cringe to think I’ve done that so many times over the past 25 years

Motivation and being a Moderate Drinker

It’s very inconsistent and when I’ve planned to moderate my drinking in the past, new habits didn’t form because I was too inconsistent. It was hardly ever there at the right time and place, which is why I’ve used triggers. When combined with triggers, motivation is much more powerful because it’s there at the right time and in the right place. It has also led to a consistent approach of determining how many drinks I’ll have before I start drinking.

Abilities (new skills)

• Say no.
• Understand how and when you are drinking.
• Stop yourself. (after one, two or three drinks)
• Congratulate yourself when you say no and stop yourself.
• Deal with peer pressure
• Order water with a round/drink.
• Drink water in a pub.
• Disassociate being sociable, having a laugh, feeling open with drink and associate these things with yourself/being your friends.
• Associate hangovers, being down, being lazy more strongly with heavy drinking.

What I love about ‘abilities’ to be a moderate drinker is that none of them are ‘rocket science’. We can all say ‘no’ and we can all stop ourselves at having too much of something. Perhaps, we just don’t do this with drinks.

In Britain, many people drink fast and heavy. They don’t say ‘no’ to having another drink and they rarely stop themselves. Their habits dictate their actions and this won’t change until they start practicing saying ‘no’ to drinks and ‘stopping’ themselves. Once they practice, it’ll become easy. All it takes to get a new skill is practice.

Abilities and being a Moderate Drinker

I decided that at home, I would only have one glass of wine a night. One glass, partly for simplicity, easier to record and also I thought it might be easier to stop when I only have one glass. I used a trigger that basically told me ‘only one glass per night’ and this caused me to think before I drink (I think about the benefits of only drinking one). I was surprised at how easy it was and still is.

It’s now, almost natural to think before I drink. I’ve kept to only one glass per night, except for last Saturday when we had a small dinner party. This think before I drink has extended to when I go out with friends too. I don’t necessary keep to one drink on those occasions but I’m certainly drinking less than before.

Side effects – I’m starting to drink wine slower now, I drink a lot of water with and after drinking wine and I’ve used this tactic in the pub as well.

Triggers

Triggers for your old/current habit

• Looking forward to a night out
• Rounds – keeps you drinking without gaps. Also encourages fast drinking, to be the same as everyone else. In the home, this habit continued, even without the ‘round’ trigger.
• Empty glass – this can trigger someone to fill it up for you.

There are many more.

The important thing about understanding triggers for your old habit is that you’re better equipped to disrupt them.

Triggers for introducing a new habit.

• Message stuck to my wine bottle – only one glass!
• Message by my wine bottle to remind me to celebrate only drinking one glass (celebrate no hangover in the morning and that I’ll feel good then too)

Possible other triggers, which I haven’t used.

• Message that reminds you why you want to cut down. In place where you can see it first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
• Small bottles of wine.
• Limited alcohol supply so that you can only drink one or two drinks.
• Associate buying a drink with also getting a pint of water.

Triggers and the Moderate Drinker

Most of my drinking is in the home and triggers really made becoming a moderate drinker easy. They reminded me ‘why’ I wanted to moderate my drinking and they did it at the right time and in the right place. They kept me consistent at stopping after one glass. This skill is transferable to the pub, where I’ve had a beer and next to my beer is a glass of water. I’ve turned down offers of drinks mainly because I didn’t feel like them. All this has come from being consistent in the home.

Will Power is Overrated!

Overview

Will-power/motivation is not the only key to changing a habit. It can help you decide to take action but it’s the actions you take that are the keys to change. Stop blaming yourself and stop making motivation an excuse.

Commonly said things about failure to change

I lack motivation! Where's my motivation - I don't have any! I'm pathetic! I said that I’d change but I don’t have the guts! I'm too weak! I don’t have it within me to change! I'm spineless!

As a society we seem to have an obsession with will-power, especially our lack of it and we end up staying with bad habits because many of us think we are too weak to change. Where does this obsession come from? Our parents, the boss, the wife, education? Who knows?

But all I know is that will-power is naturally a wibbly-wobbly thing.

Take will-power to moderate your drinking

• Stinking hangover – your will-power is probably 10/10 (a lot of people promise they will quit at this point)
• The worst of the hangover goes away – will-power goes down perhaps 7/10
• Someone calls you a day later. They want to meet-up for some drinks. It’s always fun with this person. Will-power goes down again 5/10
• You read about the damage heavy drinking does your body – will-power goes up 6/10
• You see a funny ad for drinks. It makes you smile – will-power goes down 5/10
• You’re excited about seeing your friend. Will-power goes down 2/10

When you need your will-power the most

It’s usually not there. Many people look forward to drinking, mainly because it’s associated with many enjoyable things – socialising, friends, laugher, going out, relaxing, after work activity etc.

It’s hard to even to think about ‘moderation’ when there’s so much to look forward to. Apparently, your conscious mind can only hold one thought at a time and there’s little chance that will happen if your mind is abuzz.

So stop blaming yourself and stop making ‘will-power’ the be all of habit-change. It’s not.

Next Post

I’ll introduce a Habit-Change model by BJ Fogg that has made it easy for me to moderate my drinking. In his model, motivation is only one of three tools that we can use to change a habit.

Trigger You Consistency – A Valuable Key for Habit Change

What will you get from reading this.


You’ll be able to change your habits that much easier by using triggers. Change bad habits into good ones and adopt new habits because ‘triggers’ keep you consist. Consistency is gold when it comes to habit change.

Hangovers are like motivation, they never happen at the right time.


How many times have you heard yourself or a good friend say ‘I’m never drinking again, never ever, not after last night!’ But as the hangover goes so does the motivation to stop or drink less. A day later it’s ‘I’m cutting down. I’ll just have a couple.’ And a couple of days later when you start drinking again, the hangover’s gone, the motivation’s to drink less has gone and you drink like you always do. Too much!

You know that you drink too much. You know that when you drink too much it can affect you the next day. You know that it does damage your body but yet, you still don’t moderate. Why?

My take on this, is because your brain is busy. Apparently, your conscious brain only holds one thought at a time and the likelihood of it thinking about ‘moderation’ at the right time is slim. There are too many other things to think about.

You could be thinking of your friends, the latest gossip, the bargirl, stress at work.

So if motivation doesn’t work well what does?

BJ Fogg has come up with a model of habit change which contains three elements. One of them is motivation and he’s says that motivation is the least important element. The other two are ability (to change) and triggers.

Take smoking for example


• Motivation – most smokers want to give up. They know that their habit is bad for them.
• Ability – most smokers give up when their ability to give up increases. This could be nicotine patches or a new mindset thanks to Alan Carr.
• Triggers – (to stop) strokes, serious illness, the warning on a cigarette package. (to smoke) fag break, coffee, reading the morning paper.

Triggers have worked where motivation hasn’t in the past. You need your ‘trigger’ to fire at the right place and the right time. What’s worked for me, has been placing 'two homemade triggers' by my wine bottles.

The first trigger

Trigger 1 - I know, it looks like it was drawn by a five year old

Reminds me that I’m only going to drink one.

It’s been surprisingly effective. Since putting it in place, I’ve only had one drink a night at home (half the time I don't drink).

It has also helped me build two useful ‘abilities’

1. Helps me to think before I drink. I think that I’m only going to have one. After that I’ll be on water again. I smell my drink more and make more of an effort to saviour it.

2. Stop at one. I only drink one per night because it’s easy to record and it’s also easier to stop after one than after two or three.

The second trigger

Trigger Two

Reminds me to congratulate myself for only drinking one drink. This is a new habit and if it’s going to replace the old habit I need to enjoy it and celebrate it.

I added this one later as I noticed that I wasn’t always congratulating myself for stopping at one.

Celebrating 'good behaviour' is important as it’s going up against habits that have lasted twenty five years or more.




Conclusion


Triggers have consistently kept my mind on ‘moderation’. They helped me get off to a great start and have reminded me at the right time and place so that I can practice moderation. I had the motivation (the right intention) before but it was never consistent enough to really change my drinking habit.

Now, after five weeks, not only do I always think before I drink in my home but when I'm out this new behaviour is also present. I have said no to drinks and free ones at that. I’ve really got to a stage where I’ve thought about my habit quite deeply and I’m changing my views and associations on drinking which should have a lasting effect.

When you want to change a habit, be it drinking more moderately, stop smoking or eat better, use triggers to get you think and take action at the right time and place. Use triggers to keep you consistent. Once you're consistent, your new habit starts to take root. It starts to be become automatic.

Alcohol Diary - October update

Alcohol Diary


The first ten days of October I was back in the UK visiting friends and family. This was a challenging time for me as most of my moderation practice has been in the house. I’ve definitely changed my approach to drinking. It’s more moderate and I’m taking a lead in ensuring that our table in the pub has water. So overall I’m pleased about this.

I drank 4 drinks once. This is less than what I would’ve drunk in a similar situation previously. I took action to mix the drinking of beer with water. Ideally, I would’ve drunk three. I’ll have to think about what changes I can do to make this happen.

I was impressed that the pubs I went to in Bristol gave us a jug of water. This is positive move on their behalve and it was good to hear other people ordering pints of water with their drinks (though this was a Sunday).

October


1st – 250 mil bottle of beer and small glass of wine.
2nd – 0
3rd – 2 pints of Guinness with my dad. Only in pub from 9:30 to 11 that’s the main reason why I only had two pints. Previous, I would have three pints on these occasions.
4th – 0
5th – 3 pints of bitter (alcohol % ??) – in Bristol, each drink was accompanied by water. The bar gave us a jug of water. People I was with also drank moderately, previous some of us would’ve drank more.
6th – 1 and ½ cans of Guinness – at my dad’s place
7th – 1 glass of red wine – at my dad’s place
8th – 3 small glasses of red wine. No drinking water or spacing drinks – at my sister’s place
9th – 4 pints of ale. This was from 3pm until 8pm. We went to the pub earlier because my friend in Bristol had to leave very early in the morning. Acceptable, though ideally 3 pints would have been better. Again we had a jug of water on the table and each drink was accompanied by a glass of water. Refused a couple of offers for another drink.
10th – one glass of wine on the plane to the Netherlands
11th – 0
12th – 0
13th – 1 glass of red wine in my house.

September Alcohol Diary

The moderate Drinker

What’s in it for you?

Heavy drinkers, there’s a lot in it for you! How about a better sex life; better relationships; a better self-image; being more productive; saving money; being a sexy rebel; better health; more go; being a leader, how to cut down and ultimately for a lot of heavy drinkers a new ‘take it or leave it’ attitude towards drink (you can be in control of your drinking rather than the other way round).

Why?

You already know the answer to this one. The government, the health authority, your family, perhaps even your partner are constantly reminding you of the dangers and drawbacks of drinking too much. They can be annoying but you know they are right. And just in case you’ve forgotten, here are some reminders.

Hangovers – these are nasty things and when you moderate your drinking you can avoid them altogether.

Time – I’m not talking about the fun times, the parts where you are socializing with friends or getting close to a love one, I’m talking about the time after you drink. Your weekend, your free time, the time you put aside to write your novel, to practice your punches, to learn new dance steps etc. Drinking too much can ruin how you use your free time. Do you want to be left with just work-time, drunk time and recovery time?

Focus – When I was in my twenties, my focus was on the night. I associated this with the good times, socializing, women, and lots of fun. It was an expensive focus as I didn’t put in much effort with my career, things that I love doing outside the bar and many other things, like my family. Become a moderate drinker and your focus will probably get stronger and be more on what’s important.

Health – Heavy drinking is bad for you. Bad for your liver. Bad for your brain. Bad for your mood. Bad if you are trying to start a family. And probably bad in many other ways too.

Other areas of life that could change for the better if you become a moderate drinker – relationships, productivity, self-image, etc.

It’s not about Will Power – it’s about habit change

Too many people think they can change themselves and the world though ‘will-power’. For most people, relying on will-power sets them up for failure. Habit change is more than just will-power.

Habit Changers that helped and influenced my transition to being a moderate drinker.

BJ Fogg


Three elements of habit change

• Motivation (will-power)
• Ability
• Triggers

BJ Fogg – underlying approach to habit change

• Make change as easy as possible
• Take small steps towards your goal
• Motivation is the least important element of change.
• Celebrate ‘victories’ (drinking water in a pub)

Leo Babauta from Zen Habits


Approach

• Understand your habit, what are the triggers for your habit, where and when does it happen.
• Make small and easy changes
• Develop half habits – rather than an all or nothing approach, constantly try to move towards your goal. Failure is feedback.
• Tackle one habit at a time.

New Skills

The great thing about becoming a moderate drinker; you have to start doing things differently. If you’re a heavy drinker, some new skills that you might learn are;

• To say no to a drink.
• Understand how and when you are drinking.
• Stop yourself.
• Congratulate yourself when you say no and stop yourself.
• Order water with a round/drink.
• Drink water in a pub.
• Disassociate being sociable, having a laugh, feeling open with drink and associate these things with yourself/being your friends.
• Associate hangovers, being down, being lazy more strongly with heavy drinking.

A lot of these skills are pretty basic, like drinking water in a pub, but they are new to many heavy drinkers.

The author

I was a heavy drinker for twenty five years. I started binge drinking when I was 16. Getting drunk seemed so much fun. It was such a release. My heaviest drinking years were my college years where I was almost always drunk in the evenings. I puked up a lot and generally felt unwell. I continued dinge drinking through my twenties where my focus was more on the night than the day, at the expense of a career. In my thirties binge drinking continued but was starting to be replaced by heavy drinking in the house. In my early forties, most of my drinking was in the home. Then I saw this video on the brain 'How to improve your brain.' (This is part 1 of 7 - I'm not sure which one alcohol is a focus) and decided it was time for a change.

It took me twenty five years to change. To be honest, I’m still changing. I started on 3rd September 2011 and my new habits are still babies compared to my twenty five year old heavy drinking habit. It’ll be an on-going process, at least until the end of this year but I’m confident that change will be permanent. Actually, I’m surprised at how easy it has been so far!