How to increase your will-power!

In this fantastic presentation on will-power, Kelly MacGonigal gives some great insights into how we can manage change and manage will-power.  I feel that four of the five recommendations can help people immediately, and the first one she recommends will be the result of taking more control over your drinking.

Brief introduction

The Devil and the Angel.

Classic description of temptation, with the devil telling you to ‘go on, order that next drink’ and the angel replying ‘hang on, it’s already nine o’clock, you’ve got work tomorrow etc’.  And in a way this is a useful metaphor for how the brain works. 

The Devil Brain (Seth Goth calls it the lizard brain - related to why we don't do great work)

The old part of the brain wants immediate gratification.  It lives in the moment and its primal instinct is survival. When we lived on the grasslands of Africa, we took whatever food came our way and enjoyed sex when it was available.  This kind of thinking increased the chances of the survival of your genes then.  Traditionally, people thought of this brain process as hedonistic but Kelly puts a new spin on this.  She puts it this way, people are not getting pleasure from doing drugs, drinking too much, eating non-stop, they’re getting relief from ‘want’. 

It was an asset in the grasslands of Africa but now-a-days with cheap food, cheap booze, TV, internet etc, immediate gratification has become a liability.

The Angel Brain

This is a newer part of the brain.  It’s more long term thinking and can control impulses to do things, for the long term good.  It allows us to drink socialably but helps us stop before we will ruin tomorrow.  It helps us say no.  It helps us do the right thing.  It’s the brain we need for the modern world but often it loses out to the devil brain.

The Five Willpower enhancers;

1.      Sleep, exercise, eat well and meditate.

2.      Forgive yourself

3.      Make friends with your future self

4.      Write about how you will fail

5.      Surf the urge (it’s not pleasure, it’s want)

Sleep, exercise, eat good food and meditate

For me, this one is difficult to do when you’re drinking too much.  Yes, drinkers exercise, they can eat well and some meditate but in general, drinking goes against these things.  It disrupts your sleep, makes you feel tired and sometimes even rotten.  Certainly for me, drinking was a drain on ‘doing the right thing’, especially the day after.

I feel that the other four practices will have more of a positive benefit to cutting down and this one, is what you get for reducing your drinking.

Forgive yourself. 

If you’re quitting or cutting back, you’re are likely to suffer from a relapse.  Studies, find people who are easy on themselves after a relapse did much better at their habit change then people who turned in on themselves.

I found this to be true.  When I went to Taiwan in January (2012) I got drunk like the old days.  There was a slight difference, I was more aware of what I was doing but I didn’t do much to reduce my drinking.  I realise that this wasn’t what I wanted but I didn’t seem able to do anything in Taiwan, so I decided to write it off.  I allowed myself to drink in Taiwan but afterwards I would address what went wrong and take action.  It worked.  It turned out to be just a two week blip.

Make friends with your future self. 

Studies have found that people who connect most closely with their future self(s) were much more likely to succeed in changing a bad habit than people who felt their future self(s) were different people.

Exercises used to help people connect more closely with their future self, included;

·        Writing a letter from your future self, thanking you for the action you had taken to develop a better habit.  You can write how your life is so much better for the action you took.

·        Imagine your future self doing some routine tasks.

Write about how you’re going to fail at your habit change.  

In studies they found that very positive images of you succeeding worked a little bit better than doing nothing.  But writing about how you’re going to fail made a bigger difference.

Why does this help?  I believe that this helps you understand how your bad habit works.  What triggers it?  When your failure is like to happen? Who are you with? Etc.  You predict what’s going to go wrong and then you notice how accurate your prediction is.  You refine it and get to know the ins and outs of your habit.  It helps your self-awareness and ultimately, it’s this self-awareness that helps you change.

Surfing the urge.

Take a smoker for example;  he’s dying for a fag but instead of giving into the urge, he;

• Focuses his attention on the carving.  What does it feel like?  Where is the feeling?

• He knows that the carving is like a wave and will go away.  He knows he can surf this urge.  He can take deep breathes.  The urge will eventually go.

I loved the presentation Kelly gave in this Authors@Google series.  I hope you find it helpful too, especially with the Xmas party session coming up.

Upcoming Will-power series

We are already in October and Christmas is fast approaching. 

Christmas is a time for cheer or so they sell it. More like drunken nights and rotten hangovers, if my memory serves me right.

Many of us increase our drinking over the Christmas period, because there are many more opportunities to do so.  There are work parties, friends and family get togethers, and in general we have a little more time (less to do at work and some holidays). 

We also increase our drinking because it’s expected of us, this is especially so for people with a reputation for drinking.  If you don’t live up to your reputation for drinking, people tend to think something is wrong.  (John, what’s wrong, why don’t you have a drink?  ORANGE JUICE!  You don't have to drive tonight, do you?  Come on John, get lively, here's a drink for you.  Etc).

So to help you get prepared for the Christmas period and to avoid an increase in your drinking and possibly a decrease, there will be a short series on will-power.

Will-power series

1^st – review of a Google Talk by Kelly McGonigal.  In this talk she highlights five things that we can do to improve our will-power/self control.  I’ll provide a short review of the highlights from her talk and how drinkers might use these.

2^nd – Environment >Will-power.  The focus will be on how we can change our environment so that it supports a more moderate approach to drinking.  This is very applicable to the home.  We also look at ways of automating decisions instead of using will-power, which can be used for social occasions where you have little control over the environment.

3^rd – Summary

I’ve learned some things about will-power which I wasn’t aware of before.  There’s a lot of talk of will-power as a limited resource.  In layman’s terms, every day we have X amount of will-power and making decisions, communications and ‘self-control’ uses up your will-power.  So that by the end of the day, many people have used up their ‘will-power’ resource and are unable to resist temptation.  It’s a bit more complicated than this and for a fuller review read here.

 

Change of view on Will-power?

I’ve used the BJ Fogg model of habit change, which emphasis behaviour change and use of triggers over will-power.  I’ve written about will-power before.

Will-power is overrated!
Why drinkers drink.  A look at motivation.

 

But I think Kelly McGonigal ideas will support anyone trying to moderate or abstain from drinking (or to change any habit) and are worth knowing and experimenting with.

More on will-power soon.

Other articles to help you become a moderate drinker

How to be a moderate drinker.

The Fantastic BJ Fogg – Habit Change Made Easy

The focus of this article is on how I changed my drinking habit but this model can be used with any habit.  Whether it’s one you want to decrease or one you want to increase i.e. exercise, meditation, healthy eating etc.

I used BJ Fogg’s habit change model to change the way I drink.  I used to be a heavy drinker but with the model I’m now a moderate drinker.  The change for the most part was easy.

Before

I was the kind of drinker that couldn’t stop once I had started.  Once I had one drink, I would continue for at least another four or five.  Sometimes I woke up and couldn’t remember what had happened the night before. More often I would lose my weekends through feeling rotten and unmotivated. I did this for 25 years.

Now

Sometimes I don’t have a drink for a week or so.  Not through avoidance, I just simply don’t have the urge.  When I do drink, most times I have just one or two glasses. When I’m out in a pub or a restaurant, quite often I start with a non-alcoholic beer.  If I’m there for a while, I’ll have water while I have an alcoholic drink.  I say ‘No’ most times when I don’t want to drink anymore.

How I used BJ Fogg’s model to become a moderate drinker. See table below

<><><><><><><><><>

Motivation	Abilities	Triggers
Avoid hangovers, feeling rough next day etc.	Stop after one drink	Note place on my wine bottles
Gain more quality time	Drink soft drinks with alcohol	Celebrate ‘stopping’ after one glass
Get healthier	Say no to alcohol, when I don’t want it.
	Make the ‘whys’ for not-drinking stronger
	Understand my motivation to drink.  Can they be changed?
	Always drink a soft drink with an alcoholic one, when I’m in a pub.

How BJ Fogg’s Habit Change Model helped me

The model helped me ask a better question. 

• Before - when I wanted to change, I would either stop for a short time or drink less frequently but it didn’t change the way I drank. 
• After – I asked ‘What do moderate drinkers do that I don’t’.  This gave me the ‘abilities’ of a moderate drinker.  I then focused on building these habits.

The model moved the focus on to ‘abilities’ (what action to take) from motivation.

• Sometimes you can go backwards with habit change.  I did, in January I was on holiday for two weeks and I drank like my old self.  If I was relying on my motivation I would’ve probably thrown in the towel.  But luckily, I revisited my ‘abilities’ list and worked on ‘Saying No to a drink’ and ‘always having a soft drink with an alcoholic one’.  I didn’t blame myself.  I focused on building change instead.

‘Abilities’ really helped me take action, because it made action specific.

• ‘Stop after one glass’ was an easy action to implement at home.  It was clear, there was no wiggle room and it allowed me to use a trigger that worked every time.  I knew when I had achieved this and this allowed me to ‘celebrate’ the new habit too.

Clear ‘abilities’ make it easier to use triggers.

Triggers allow you to be consistent.  Consistency changes habits.

• What’s a trigger?  Classic ones; When you sit on your sofa (this triggers), you then turn on the TV.  When you see a red light, you start to slow down and then stop.  And from the world of drinking, when your glass is empty, you fill it up.

• ‘Stop after one glass’ – I placed a notice on my wine bottle ‘only one glass’.  I saw it every time I started drinking and it got me to think, WHY?  Why, just one glass (no hangovers, feel great tomorrow and won’t be drunk tonight)?  This got me to do the new habit.  It got to think at the right time and it send my motivation sky-high, also at the right time. 

• This trigger made it so easy, that it felt like I was cheating.  Remember, I hadn't been able to do this for 25 years.

Overall

If you want to change a habit; stop, start or modify one, this model makes it easier.  It's action focused and it helps make those actions clearer.  It moves the focus away from motivation (a very inconsistent quality and one that can lead to self-blame) to action.  It also promotes the use of triggers, which gets you to do new actions consistency.  Use the model.  It works.

Other links;

Do you drink too much;  answer this question - how many times have you been drunk in your life?

Why Heavy Drinkers Drink - a look at motivation

Motivation can go two ways. There’s motivation not to drink and there’s motivation to drink. In heavy drinkers, the motivation to drink is usually strongest when they start to drink and then once the drink takes over - there’s no stopping – only sleep, lack of money and closing time can stop them.

This doesn’t mean that heavy drinkers don't have any motivation to drink less. In fact, heavy drinkers have some of the strongest feelings against drinking. Ask them when they have a hangover, when they’re sick from drink, when they feel crappy the next day, when they ruined a close relationship and you’ll find many of them against drinking. The only problem is that this motivation evaporates when drinking time comes round.

The Motivation to Drink Less for a Heavy Drinker

The Motivation to Drink Less.

In the graph, the short red lines represent times that you start drinking.  For heavy drinkers, it’s these points that their motivation to control or not to drink is at its lowest.

In a heavy drinker, the motivation to drink less varies quite a bit. Probably more so than someone who doesn’t drink because they regularly suffer the ill effects from drinking too much. Personally, I don’t know how many times I’ve said “Never again, I’m never going to drink again” when I’ve been suffering from a severe hangover.

From looking at the graph I could conclude that;

• Heavy drinkers already know that drinking is bad for them.
• Motivation to drink less is inconsistent.
• Heavy drinkers must also think there are big benefits to drinking.

So why does the motivation to drink less go?

From Severe Hangover to Drinking again - Motivation to drink less is inconsistent in Heavy Drinkers

From high motivation to low motivation to control your drinking – what happens?

Numbers correspond to the graph

1 – severe hangover – feeling towards drinking – hate
2 – hangover subsides – it’s bearable.
3 – friend calls – he wants to go out drinking tomorrow night. You’re not enthusiastic but you agree. You think you’ll drink less.
4 – you see an advert on drinking – it reminds you why you drink
5 – you’re excited about meeting your friends, going out, the possibilities of what might happen. You don’t think about drinking directly but it’s an integral part of it.
6 – you start drinking. Your feelings towards drinking is positive.

Heavy drinkers drink for a reason. They have strong positive associations with drinking, otherwise they wouldn’t drink so much the next time.

What are those reasons?

Manliness, sex, fun, good times, more socialable, chance to meet the opposite sex, stress, relaxation, nerves, sophisticated, cultured, status, exciting, makes my life more interesting, social bonding, etc.

If you want to control or stop your drinking, it’s these positive associations you need to address.

For example;

Does drinking really make you more manly?
Are you more socialable when you drink?
Does drinking really make your life more interesting?
Are times really better if you drink?
Are you really more relaxed from drinking?

I’ll focus more on some of these individual points in the future.

Will Power is Overrated!

Overview

Will-power/motivation is not the only key to changing a habit. It can help you decide to take action but it’s the actions you take that are the keys to change. Stop blaming yourself and stop making motivation an excuse.

Commonly said things about failure to change

I lack motivation! Where's my motivation - I don't have any! I'm pathetic! I said that I’d change but I don’t have the guts! I'm too weak! I don’t have it within me to change! I'm spineless!

As a society we seem to have an obsession with will-power, especially our lack of it and we end up staying with bad habits because many of us think we are too weak to change. Where does this obsession come from? Our parents, the boss, the wife, education? Who knows?

But all I know is that will-power is naturally a wibbly-wobbly thing.

Take will-power to moderate your drinking

• Stinking hangover – your will-power is probably 10/10 (a lot of people promise they will quit at this point)
• The worst of the hangover goes away – will-power goes down perhaps 7/10
• Someone calls you a day later. They want to meet-up for some drinks. It’s always fun with this person. Will-power goes down again 5/10
• You read about the damage heavy drinking does your body – will-power goes up 6/10
• You see a funny ad for drinks. It makes you smile – will-power goes down 5/10
• You’re excited about seeing your friend. Will-power goes down 2/10

When you need your will-power the most

It’s usually not there. Many people look forward to drinking, mainly because it’s associated with many enjoyable things – socialising, friends, laugher, going out, relaxing, after work activity etc.

It’s hard to even to think about ‘moderation’ when there’s so much to look forward to. Apparently, your conscious mind can only hold one thought at a time and there’s little chance that will happen if your mind is abuzz.

So stop blaming yourself and stop making ‘will-power’ the be all of habit-change. It’s not.

Next Post

I’ll introduce a Habit-Change model by BJ Fogg that has made it easy for me to moderate my drinking. In his model, motivation is only one of three tools that we can use to change a habit.