Upcoming Will-power series

We are already in October and Christmas is fast approaching. 

Christmas is a time for cheer or so they sell it. More like drunken nights and rotten hangovers, if my memory serves me right.

Many of us increase our drinking over the Christmas period, because there are many more opportunities to do so.  There are work parties, friends and family get togethers, and in general we have a little more time (less to do at work and some holidays). 

We also increase our drinking because it’s expected of us, this is especially so for people with a reputation for drinking.  If you don’t live up to your reputation for drinking, people tend to think something is wrong.  (John, what’s wrong, why don’t you have a drink?  ORANGE JUICE!  You don't have to drive tonight, do you?  Come on John, get lively, here's a drink for you.  Etc).

So to help you get prepared for the Christmas period and to avoid an increase in your drinking and possibly a decrease, there will be a short series on will-power.

Will-power series

1^st – review of a Google Talk by Kelly McGonigal.  In this talk she highlights five things that we can do to improve our will-power/self control.  I’ll provide a short review of the highlights from her talk and how drinkers might use these.

2^nd – Environment >Will-power.  The focus will be on how we can change our environment so that it supports a more moderate approach to drinking.  This is very applicable to the home.  We also look at ways of automating decisions instead of using will-power, which can be used for social occasions where you have little control over the environment.

3^rd – Summary

I’ve learned some things about will-power which I wasn’t aware of before.  There’s a lot of talk of will-power as a limited resource.  In layman’s terms, every day we have X amount of will-power and making decisions, communications and ‘self-control’ uses up your will-power.  So that by the end of the day, many people have used up their ‘will-power’ resource and are unable to resist temptation.  It’s a bit more complicated than this and for a fuller review read here.

 

Change of view on Will-power?

I’ve used the BJ Fogg model of habit change, which emphasis behaviour change and use of triggers over will-power.  I’ve written about will-power before.

Will-power is overrated!
Why drinkers drink.  A look at motivation.

 

But I think Kelly McGonigal ideas will support anyone trying to moderate or abstain from drinking (or to change any habit) and are worth knowing and experimenting with.

More on will-power soon.

Other articles to help you become a moderate drinker

How to be a moderate drinker.

October Challenge

I consider my drinking still to be moderate and I’m happy that my drinking habit is quite stable.  When I’m at home, I tend to drink one or two glasses of wine at a time.  In September, I think I was drinking more often though and to address this, I’ve decided to cut out alcohol for October.  It’s also partially because when I cut out alcohol in March, I felt really good (but I had also started exercising at that time too) and I’m curious to see whether this will happen again.

It also feels different this time, as it doesn’t feel so much like a challenge.  In January, I drunk like my old self and March was only a short time after that, so it felt like something I must do.  This time, it feels quite easy not to drink.  Well, it’s only been four days so far.

I have one exception for drinking in October and that is, if my friend from Taiwan comes over, I’ll have a beer with him.  This exception is in place because the last time he came over was in March and I think he was a little disappointed that I didn’t share a beer with him.

Why do we drink? Part 2

Last time we watch 10 adverts for alcohol and tried to work out how they were selling alcohol to us. 

Knowing why we drink can help us questions those reasons.  Are they valid reasons?  Are we deluding ourselves?

Allen Carr is famous for helping people quit smoking and drinking.  His approach to quitting smoking focuses on debunking myths surrounding smoking – it’s physically addictive, it’s beneficial (i.e. helps against boredom, helps concentration, relaxes me etc). 

Here’s a video of him explaining his method for smokers to quit.

Allen Carr Explaining How Smokers Can Stop

Alcohol Relaxes Me (My interpretation of Allen Carr)

Alcohol relaxes me. It’s true that when you start drinking, alcohol changes the way you feel.  That’s probably why after a hard day of work, people like this change in state that alcohol provides.   But if you carry on drinking, up to the time you go to bed, then alcohol disrupts your sleep.  You might fall asleep faster but alcohol disrupts the second half of your sleep, leaving you tired in the morning.  Not only that, alcohol’s a depressant, which basically means it slows down your brain activity.  That’s why after a heavy night, most people feel ‘washed out’ the next day. 

Alcohol and alternatives for relaxation.

	Short term	Medium term	Long term
Alcohol	Changes how you feel	Negative	Negative
Meditation	Changes how you feel	Positive	Positive
Exercise	Changes how you feel	Positive	Positive
Cold Shower	Changes how you feel	Don’t know	Don’t know

Allen Carr's Fourth Point from the video

I've found this to be true.  I was surprised at first but when you see someone getting more and more drunk, it's really isn't a pretty sight.

Back to the adverts

Advert 1

It makes things different.  Something unexpected might happen.  You’ll be living but with a different tune – fun because it’s different.

This is held to be true by many drinkers because many drunken nights led to unexpected things happening.    But I also think a bit of alcohol blindness is happening here as well.  Too many people think of ‘drinking’ as the ‘night out’ but the effect of alcohol last much longer.  Unexpected things might happen on a night out but nothing much tends to happen the day after a night out.  The day can be lost because you’re recovering from the night.  So you lose the chance to do different and exciting things in the day because you’re too wasted.

This gets to be more true as you get older.  Perhaps, you don't even have the excitement of going out because you drink at home.  If you're in your 30s, 40s or 50s, you've probably done this over a 1,000 times before.  What's going to be different if you get drunk one more time?  The end result is likely to be the same, especially for the day after.  Many heavy drinkers write off the day after, simply because alcohol is determining their routine.  They deny themselves the chance to do something different the next day.

Advert 3

It’s a manly thing to do.  Men and beer relate.  When men and beer get together, you can relax and have a good time.   The pub is place for a man.  If you drink and you’re a man, you’re still a rebel – young at heart

Whilst men like to drink beer together, is it really a manly thing to do? 

·         Beer, especially helps towards man boobs.   Man boobs are the very antipathy of manliness, cause in part by alcohol increase oestrogen, a female hormone.   Alcohol in general is seen by many as empty calories, which can lead to putting on weight. 

·         Alcohol lowers the sexual performance of males.

·         A sports field, a garage and a kitchen are also places for men. 

Advert 4

Beer is better than a beautiful woman.  It taste really good too.

Both might seem like good ideas but ultimately they both lead to trouble.

Advert 7

Beer makes you dance and brings out your hidden talents.

Arguably for some people, they only dance then they’ve drunk some alcohol.    From my personal experience and of seeing friends the day after, alcohol is usually disastrous for developing ‘hidden talents’.   It’s a huge time killer.  After big nights, it usually leaves you useless the next day.  This can be from tiredness and also from the ‘downer’ affect alcohol has on your nervous system, leaving you unmotivated and feel disengaged.  

What can we learn from Allen Carr?

·         Understanding and questioning why we drink will help us change our view of 'drinking'.

·         Many of the reasons why we drink are based on false beliefs. This is good in a way because we can question and address those beliefs.

·         It's easier to change your habit, if you believe it's easy.

·         Like smokers who need to smoke to relax, drinkers who need to drink to relax ( or socialize, or feel comfortable, or address boredomness) are putting themselves in a vicious circle.  It's a form of complusive behaviour.  If you put a heavy drinker next to a non-drinker/moderate drinker, who do you think is more relaxed?  And if you take away the drink - would their behaviour change?

·         And I'm sure a lot more.

Allen Carr also has a book that helps you quit drinking, even though its called 'Allen Carr's Easy Way to Control Alcohol'.  From the reviews on Amazon, it seems very anti-drinking and a lot of reviewers who had read the book, ended up quitting alcohol.

Remember, you can change your drinking habit.  You can quit if you want or you can modify it. It's your choice.

http://themoderatedrinker.blogspot.com/2011/10/moderate-drinker.html

March – A month off the booze.

Reflections on abstaining for a month

From 25th Feb until to 1st April I didn’t drink any alcohol. I won a speech contest and with it a bottle of wine but I didn’t drink that bottle until the 1st April. This has been the longest I haven’t drunk any alcohol for more than 20 years, possibly longer.

What I learnt!

• There’s always a reason to drink i.e. there’s never a good time to stop.
• It’s not that hard, once you get into it (though I’m a moderate drinker now)
• Drinking non-alcoholic beer has some benefits.
• People would benefit from the practice of Lent.

There’s always a reason (excuse) to drink – during my non-drinking time;<br />
• I won a speech contest.
• I came second in another speech contest.
• A ‘drinking’ friend came over from Taiwan.
• Helped out on a well-paid photographic project.
• Wales won the Glam Slam.

From when I was younger, even if I felt rough, there never seemed to be a good time to stop because there’s always someone’s birthday, someone leaving work, a party, etc. Reasons to drink seem to be non-stop. If you want to want to stop or have a break, don’t let ‘excuses’ like it’s so-so birthday, Liverpool are playing this weekend, it’ll be our Wedding anniversary next week get in the way. They’ll always be there.

It’s not that hard, once you get into it

Except for a few moments, like when my friend from Taiwan came over, it was very easy not to drink. It’s probably easier now than before because I usually only drink one or two glasses anyway.

Drinking non-alcoholic beer has some benefits

I’ve always thought drinking non-alcoholic beer was a con. Why drink it if it doesn’t have an effect! And why do I have to pay the same about of money for it.

The above says a lot – so I only drank beer for the effect? And it certainly seemed that I was willing to pay for the effect.

But not drinking non-alcoholic beer kind of limited my choice in pubs to soft drinks and I’m not that fond of them, especially in the evening. Now that I’ve accepted non-alcoholic beer as a legitimate drink, it gives me more choice going out.

A funny thing happened with non-alcoholic beer, I actually got quite into it. Some evenings I drunk six bottles in various ‘beer’ relax positions i.e. on the balcony looking out towards the river, on the sofa watching a film and in the kitchen chatting with my girlfriend. The most surprising thing was I actually enjoyed drinking ‘beer’ without getting the ‘effect’. It was liberating. I was drinking beer and it was enjoyable but without the effect, I felt more like my real self.

People would benefit from the practice of Lent.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m no Christian and when I was younger I used to argue against things Christian. But strong opinions can blind you. Religion has been around for 1,000s of years and they’ve gotten some things right. I believe Lent is one of them and it especially needed in our modern times.

And it’s not just Christians and religious group that recommend giving up something for a time. Seneca, the great Roman writer, practiced ‘poverty’ for short periods on a regular basis. He would eat the most basic foods or dress in rags for a week or so. He asked himself the question “Is this the condition I so feared?” The idea was to cut out what wasn’t needed in life and to experience your fears, so that you’re not paralysed by them.

That was a long time ago, why is Lent and ‘giving up’ things needed now?

We have everything we need and much more. But business must go on. So they ‘manufactured need’ to keep us buying and because of this we have become needy. We need a TV, we need to be connected, we need a scotch, we need an energy drink, we need something sugary, we need a Gucci top, etc. But the truth is we won’t die if we don’t have any of these things.

You don’t become a moderate drinker by abstaining

In a previous article I argued that you don’t become a moderate drinker by abstaining. I still stand by this but I now think that a period of abstaining can help in more ways.

If you still go to pubs and parties and get the chance to ‘practice’ saying no. This practice is important, especially if you don't want to give up on publife and parties.

Accept that non-alcoholic beer etc, is an acceptable alternative. It will give you more choice. Also you can discover what it’s like to drink ‘beer’ and still be you (i.e. sober). Perhaps you’ll also like it.

You don’t become a moderate drinker by abstaining

Who’s this for?

Heavy drinkers who want to cut down their drinking but who don’t want to stop. There are many advantages in moderating your drinking, namely better health, save more money and better relationships with the ones you love.

Abstinence

Abstaining can be great and though I’m not religious I believe that modern society is missing out because we don’t practice lent anymore.

I’ve abstained quite a few times, the longest ones being Feb 09, Dec 07 (India) and Feb 99 (India). Yes, I felt great afterwards and I thought they were worthwhile. They were welcome breaks for my body and my mind. They both felt better for not drinking. But when I started drinking again, I just went back to my old habits. You don’t become a moderate drinker by abstaining.

The skills are different.

Abstinence is mainly about avoidance of drink and saying no.

Moderation is finding new skills that help you handle drink better, like stopping after one or two drinks, drinking a soft drink with alcohol and being aware that drinking too much leads to unpleasant consequences the next day.

Practice the skills, to get better at them.

From my experience the only way to learn these skills is to do them and do them consistently. I found the use of triggers really helped me develop these skills. After you do them consistently for a while, they start to become natural.

Triggers I used

A trigger that told me just to drink one glass per night and got me to think about the consequences of drinking too much

A trigger that told me to be happy when I had stopped after one glass

Another possible trigger to use

Drink water with, before and after an alcohol drink. If in the house – use a notice on your bottle of wine (or whatever it is you drink) “One wine, one water”. I feel strongly that the message needs to be with the drink as this helps you get consistent at doing it.

Conclusion

Many people believe that if they stop for some time and then start again, they will miraculously be moderate drinkers. I learnt from experience that this is not the case. Moderate drinking and abstinence are different. You need different skills to drink moderately.

I’m not against abstinence, I think for some people it’s the right choice and even for moderate drinkers a period of abstinence could be good for them. If you abstain from drinking, you will feel better (at least different).

If your goal is to be a moderate drinker, then you need to learn skills that help you be a moderate drinker. Simple as that.